Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
