: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
