I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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