Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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