we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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