So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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