Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize