Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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