I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
