Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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