I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
