I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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