listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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