M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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