she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
