The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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