my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
