the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
