so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize