Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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