well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
