Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
