i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
