Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
