tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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