I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
