Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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