We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
