I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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