Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
