i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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