Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
