What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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