Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
