somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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