i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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