WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
