You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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