Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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