take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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