I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize