Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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