I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
