Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
