just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
