I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
