I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
