i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
