Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
