I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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