We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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