I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
