do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
