I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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