can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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