man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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