Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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