I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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