Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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