She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it hurts more in the daytime
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
