She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
