So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
