I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Girls should come with a carfax report
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How naked do you want me to be?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
