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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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