There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize