just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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