maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
