i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I AM VODKA MAN
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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