How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
