your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
