My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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