please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
