we're blogging at a bar
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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