My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This house was built for laser tag.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
