I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize