Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
