Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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