Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
