I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize