...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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