Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
