2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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