We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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