just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
