He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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