Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
