Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
