I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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