Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
