I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
