I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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