YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
