If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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