He is an equal opportunity slut.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
