Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
