i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
