My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
